Roamin' with the Romans

Recently, two friends and I decided to form a small group for spiritual formation. What we're using incorporates lectio divina with spiritual disciplines and accountability. But all of that is neither here nor there.

Caveat: I'm a nerd.

Image by bunchofpants via Flickr 

Today, I sat down to do my daily reading for the group--Romans 12:1-2 (which we're to read out loud five times today). Around the third time, I wondered, "What does it mean to 'test and approve' God's will? Do I don a lab coat and put it in a petri dish or crash it into a wall a dozen times to make sure the airbags work?" So, I pulled out my Greek (I warned you about my nerdiness!), which is rusty. But then I saw the coolest thing (you know how writers will use specific words and phrases on purpose to hint about things--Paul does that, too, and this 'test and approve,' which is only one Greek word, by the way, is one of those cool literary things). Then I read other parts of the verse in Greek and saw a couple of other cool things. Then (because I'm really a nerd), yeah, I pulled out this huge commentary I have on Romans (I don't have commentaries on all the books of the Bible, but I happen to have one on Romans, and another that covers Romans 1-8, but that wouldn't help me here, so I only pulled out that one). And the guy who wrote this commentary is frakkin' brilliant and showed me another couple of amazing things. So then, I thought, why don't I write out my own translation/paraphrase in my own words to try and capture some of all of these incredible things? (I recently finished Eat This Book by Eugene Peterson.)

And I did. 

(Side note: The writing in brackets isn't directly in the text, but it's what I learned from how Paul uses the language and compares it to things his readers would have known and things he talked about earlier in Romans. Also, the last bracket, I get a little silly, but I think God appreciates humor, especially when it comes from excitement about him.)

Romans 12:1-2 (my translation/paraphrase)

Because of all of this that I’ve been talking about [have you been listening at all, people? I’m talking about the new life God gave you where you were dead, rotting, decaying, corrupted, wasted, worthless and unable to distinguish fine Shiraz from a glass of piss], I highly encourage you, those of you who belong to Christ and have this new life, in light of God’s sparing us the consequences we deserve, to give your entire lives—your entire selves—as sacrifices [instead of just those cultic sacrifices killing animals you did at certain times in the temple]. These sacrifices—your very lives, every part of you, how you think and act every day—are alive [not like the dead animals], committed to God [set apart—we’re going to seem odd to the people around us!], and acceptable to God [ironically enough, all things God has made us—alive, set apart, and acceptable to him]. This is how you truly and genuinely worship God.

So how do you do this?

Stop frakkin’ thinking and acting like citizens of a nation that is dead, rotting, decaying, corrupted, wasted, and worthless! [For the love! Stop drinking piss when you can have fine Shiraz!] Allow yourself to be changed [by God] by reprogramming the way you think [just so you know, this will be a lifelong process].
Then, [instead of considering what God wants to be a waste of time, like those ungodly people whom I talked about in 1:28 do, or thinking you consider what God wants to be worthwhile but acting completely opposite, like the Jewish leaders I talked about in 2:18 do], you’ll be able to understand what God wants, and you’ll totally think it’s worth it. What he wants is incredible, the best EVER, and perfect [maybe even better than the gnocchi my friend Heather had at Villa Barone in Collingswood, NJ, which she says is the best stuff she’s ever eaten—or, even better! It’s better than an appetizer of the pumpkin soup she had at some restaurant in McKinney, TX, followed by a main course of Villa Barone’s gnocchi, accompanied by fine Shiraz, topped off by dark chocolate cake {without partially hydrogenated oil, of course, and homemade, with lots of layers} with tequila . . . but I digress].

(Side note 2: I use Zemanta, which automatically generates pictures possibly related to my post, and I can choose which one I'd like to use. The above picture is described as "dude reading a Bible on top of a pumpkin cake." Who can pass that up?)